A Small Thing

See, there I am as a child

A small little thing all sad

Sitting alone under a pussy willow bush

The sounds of children's laughter

Echoing through my small haven

As children jump and play

With their little groups of friends.

I hid up upon the hill

In the small patch of pussy willows

Its branches budding soft fuzzy nubs to rub across my cheek

Alone with my coat pulled under me

A thin layer of protection from the ice still in the earth

There I found moments of peace

Away from the tormenting jeers

Of classmates who were suppose to become my friends.

Yet for the shape of the woman standing in the shadow

Of the school building

I could have, would have,

Laughed and danced in the sunshine

My voice echoing with all the rest.

Instead I huddled small and frightened

Ashamed of the marks that stripped my

Bare legs for all to see.

Yet hidden beneath my cotton dress

Were raw red bloodlines overlapping

And crossing up my body

To end upon my small shoulders.

My teachers voice cold and mocking

"What a bad child you are,

to have deserved such a whipping."

"What an evil child you must be

to make your parents whip you so."

And my tears fell silently on the hard cold ground

As I wondered at my own evilness.

Anguished at the pain I surely must have brought

To those that who loved me.

For only love gives enough.

Only love leaves marks and trails of blood

As the heavy leather belt bites deep

I hear clearly "If only you didn't MAKE me do this."

And my flesh turns evil.

This was me, the child

Small and hidden upon the hill

Afraid the world might see

The evil child within.

"I will be better, you'll see, I will I will"

I repeated desperately.

"just love me please,

just keep loving me."

Cried the small child within.

"Please?"